I've been struggling, not with my faith - my faith is always strong. Obedience, however, is another matter; and spending time waiting and listening for God's voice is hard - it takes precious time out of my busy life. (But...He gave me His Precious Son...)
There is so much going on in life that it's hard to just be still and wait for God's direction; wait to understand His Purpose. It has always been that way. The little voice in my head would say, "do this..." And I would rush off and make my plans without listening for Him to tell me how to make my plans, or even waiting to make sure that I had a clear picture of what His plan was. I took control and did what I decided I wanted to do - the way I decided that it should be done. It might have made sense - it might have been the most logical plan, but it was my plan - not God's plan. I was not necessarily following - or even moving toward - His Purpose for me.
Even so, He has richly blessed me, and He uses all things for His good.
So, I'm making some changes. I'm getting up an hour earlier every morning (well, almost every morning) to read my Bible. And I'm sitting and listening, and I'm talking with Him, sharing my frustrations - and my thanks. There have been tears, but I think that they've been healing tears because I feel a little less lost and confused.
It's scary! This whole idea of not being in control is truly frightening. But I DO have faith, and my faith IS strong, and I know without a doubt that He can do a much better job with my life than I will ever do. God has a plan for me and it's time for me to stop trying to manage it for Him. I'm ready to listen, ready to go, and ready to let him lead the way.
